Blue Collar Comedy - Oh! Too Good!

I terribly miss the comedy shows I used to see in CMT and comedy central.
Especially the Blue Collar comedy and One Night Stand. They are so cool and funny and well observerd and so thought through.

I am giving a few of them I read in Wikiquotes. Imagine actually watching the comedians performing them with their trademark mannerisms and stage characters. It is exteremely funny.

"You are a redneck is"comedy - By Jeff Foxworthy:

1) If you own a home that is mobile, and fourteen cars that aren't.
2) If you see a sign that says "Say No To Crack" and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.
3) If you take your dog for a walk and you both use the tree at the corner.
4) If you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said "concentrate".
5) If your ironing board doubles as a buffet table.

Larry the cable guy / Git-er-done guy comedy

1) My sister is covered in moles. We used to just call her "Ole Moley". Then she went down to the church and got saved, now we call her "Holy Moley". And she married a Mexican feller, now we call her "Guaca-Moley"!

2) I was madder than a one-legged waitress workin' at the IHOP!

Ron "Tater Salad" White Comedy

1) Diamonds - that'll shut her up...for a minute! (suggesting a new slogan for DeBeers Diamonds)
2) I didn't climb to the top of the fuckin' food chain to eat carrots. (on vegetarianism)
3) I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.
4) There was a guy down in Florida who said, that the age of 53 years old, he was in good enough physical condition to withstand the wind, rain, and hail of a force-3 hurricane. Now, let me explain somethin' to ya: It isn't that the wind is blowin'. It's what the wind is blowin'. If you get hit by a Volvo, it doesn't matter how many sit-ups you did that morning. If you have a Yield sign in your spleen... joggin' don't really come into play. "I can run 25 miles without stopping..." "You're bleedin'." "Shit!"
5) I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
6) [My wife's] cooking's gotten a lot better since she learned the smoke alarm wasn't a timer. I had to tell her, "Honey, the food's done before that particular buzzer goes off!"
7) The next time you have a thought... let it go.

Bill Engvall Comedy

1) You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you'd say "My Bad!".


Bill's trademark routine is "Here's Your Sign". Often, it involves a person asking a stupid question, to which Bill gives a sarcastic answer in return, followed by the line "Here's your sign". Bill's explanation for the "signs": I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, and you wouldn't ask them for nothing.

2) Engvall is in the park flying a kite with his son.

Passerby: Y'all flyin' a kite?
Bill: Nope, fishin' for birds! Here's your sign.

3) On the phone with his wife when the plane he was on stopped after hitting a deer.

Bill's wife: Oh my God! Were you on the ground?
Bill: Nope, Santa was making one last run. Here's your sign.

4)On a trip to go deer hunting with his wife:

Bill's wife: Why do they put those [Deer Crossing] signs up? Deer can't read!
Bill: No, but they do recognize pictures of themselves. Here's your sign.

5)Truck driver gets his truck stuck under an overpass, with Engvall watching.

Cop: You got your truck stuck?
Bill: God bless that trucker, without missing a beat he goes:
Driver: No sir, I was deliverin that overpass and I ran outta gas. Here's your sign.

6) ...And there's this guy with a coat hanger inside his window... and I could not stop myself... I said, "You lock your keys in your car?"
Driver: No, just washed it, gonna hang it up to dry. Here's your sign.